Effective Parenting How To Talk And Make Your Child Listen

Writen by JB Anthony

Have you ever wondered why no matter how you bust your mouth giving instructions, your child just does not seem to hear you? Technically, they do. The trouble is not in your child's aural ability but in how you deliver and relay your instructions to them and how they interpret it.

So how should we parents talk in such a way that we get the desired results from our kids?

Talk in positive instructions and not in negative instructions. A good example of a negative instruction is "Do not play with your food." Children and even us, adults, sometimes, respond better when we are told what we can do and not what we can not do. Instead, we parents should rephrase it in such a way that it becomes a concrete and positive instruction for the kids. We can always say, "Eat your food properly the way Mommy showed you." And since kids learn better by example, you won't have to worry about dodging across the table to avoid being hit by your child's baby food. Other examples would be, "Do not stay up too late." Instead, we can always say, "Sleep early so you can have a good rest." Kids and teens need to know the rationale behind each and every single one of your demands: because you care and love them, and not because you are a horrible monster bent on making their little lives more miserable than it already is.

Speak in a moderate tone. The more a parent raises his or her voice at the child, the more resistant the child becomes to the parent's instructions. No matter how much we detest the idea, screaming and raising your voice does nothing but show your kids how much they have control over you and of the situation. The more you become angry and anxious, the more they feel they are winning the battle. Talking in a moderate tone tells them you are in control of the situation. Talking in a moderate manner tells them that no amount of whining or indifference from them can take you over the edge of your wits. Talking in a moderate, serious, firm but gentle tone tells them you mean business because you care.

JB Anthony is the webmaster of www.singleparenting.hottestniches.com. For more articles, information, guides and tips on effective single parenting, links to single parenting scholarships and government grants to single parents, single parents dating and single parent issues, please visit www.singleparenting.hottestniches.com

How To Be An Athome Mother And Keep Your Sanity

Writen by Agata Langer

That was exactly what happened in my case. I am a former English Teacher and a translator but for the last 3 years I gave up my professional career to take care of my kids. My boys are 22 months apart. The younger just turned one and the older is almost three.

After that much time without regular adult interaction, you begin to feel as though you are losing your edge and you feel as though your intellect is slipping away from a lack of use. When you spend every waking moment of every day with your kids, the quantity of time you spend with them actually diminishes the quality of the time you get to share with them.

I felt as though I needed to channel some of my energy into a project to keep my mind sharp and to help improve the quality of time I spent with my family. As I pondered what project I would undertake, I drew upon my recent experience as a mother.

Like any Mom, I always tried to find good quality clothing for my children without spending a fortune, especially since they grow out of them after a few short months. It seemed like a perfect idea: Bring high quality, low priced children's clothing to people though an online shopping experience.

I spent the next several months doing research, developing a website and locating suppliers. I took a web development course which turned out to be not only a break from my children (that every Mom needs) and house chores but also an incredibly brain stimulating experience. It felt good to use my brain in academic way again…

Soon, Best Dressed Tot became a reality. Our random sampling of Best Dressed Tot's inventory revealed name brands such as OshKosh, Carter's and Reebok at impressively low prices.

Eliminating the physical retail location; the rent, the insurance, the utility bills, etc allows me to keep my prices low. I am proud to offer good products to people at prices they can afford. This is a small business and I run it myself. I treat my clients like a close circle of friends instead of like customers. I wouldn't sell anything to them that I wouldn't put on my children.

The experience has been terrific. I enjoy what I've been able to do for my customers. Also, facing the challenges of starting a business has kept my mind sharp and the time I've devoted to the business helped to improve the quality of time I get to spend with my children. It's something I would recommend to any at-home Mom who wants to keep her senses sharp and improve the quality of time she spends with her kids.

You can view the results of my work at www.bestdressedtot.com.

Teenagers And Stress What Parents Can Do To Help

Writen by Sue Blaney

More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how to support their teenagers who are complaining about the stress in their lives.

What parents may not realize, is that what they do every day by providing healthy food, support, and a comforting home, provides the very stress-antidotes their teens need. Deborah Weinstock-Savoy, Ph.D.,a psychologist who specializes in working with families says "The basic nurturing that parents offer in providing a loving and comfortable home is the first line of defense."

Weinstock-Savoy points out that home should be a place where kids can re-charge their batteries, feel safe and supported. When teenagers have the support they need, when they eat right and get enough sleep, they usually have much of what it takes to manage the stress they will confront.

Parents can help teens in some specific ways, too. Primarily this has to do with teaching, or coaching their teenagers toward problem solving. Parents need to "engage the teen's owns sense of what s/he needs," says Weinstock-Savoy. She says parents and their teenagers can explore this together, with the teen being asked to offer insight and suggestions, as usually kids have ideas about this. This is the direction parents need to take because it helps the teen develop necessary coping and problem-solving skills.

Assisting kids in becoming more self-aware is an extension of this thought. It may not be immediately obvious to kids, so parents should help guide them to a growing awareness of themselves, which will help them learn to identify situations, and solutions. Through this they begin to develop strategies that will be tools they will use for the rest of their lives.

While this family specialist makes these recommendations, she is quick to admit that sometimes parents are faced with "kids who won't allow them to share their wisdom with them." This makes it important for parents to help ensure their teenager has other adults in whom s/he can confide and go to for advice. "Parents need to identify for themselves who else is out there, who else will help provide advice, help their teens safe, and offer support." She calls this "extending the mantle of support," and points out that this is as important for parents as it is for kids. Parents should know the adults in their teens life to some extent; knowing that they share your families values and will be providing sound advice is another way of providing support for your child, only this time it's from behind the scenes.

What are the biggest sources of stress for teenagers? "Peer relationships and managing school," according to Weinstock-Savoy. She points out that kids need to have a sense of belonging with their peers. This provides an important buffer and helps them deal with the stress they confront. Missing this, the resulting sense of loneliness serves to increases their stress. School, and all that entails, is often a source of stress for teenagers. And thirdly, the important developmental steps they are taking during adolescence in developing their identity also create stress. Although this is a more abstract concept, it is an important part of the life of teenagers.

Parents who are tuned in to their teenagers, sensitive in providing support, encouragement, love and a nurturing home environment are doing all the right things to help their kids learn to deal with the stress they confront in typical situations every day.

© 2004 Sue Blaney

Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride and Practical Tips for Parents of Young Teens; What You Can Do to Enhance Your Child's Middle School Years. As a communications professional and the parent of two teenagers, she speaks frequently to parents and schools about parenting issues, improving communications and creating parent discussion groups. Visit our website at http://www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com